I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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