Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
