i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
