But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
