Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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