He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize