I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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