Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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