so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
