i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
