He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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