Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have fence marks all over my body
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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