It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
