im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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