i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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