god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
