So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
