Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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