so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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