At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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