I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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