Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
