So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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