I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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