this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize