Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize