a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
