the condom got lost in my hair
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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