Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
