You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
