Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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