I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I love having hate sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
