Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
