It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
