Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
