I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
