he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Vodka?
Forever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize