I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
