i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
