My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
