I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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