I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
