You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
