Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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