I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
