that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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