There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
that is very illegal...i love you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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