You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
