Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
