so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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