im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's never too late to be topless.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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