Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
