We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
