my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize