your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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