You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
