I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
