all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
