I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
