Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
