i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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