i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize