Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Randomize
