I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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